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It’s Never Too Late
Bilingual parenting can feel like a lot of pressure.
As Dr. Becky says in Good Inside: it’s never too late. Bilingual parenting can feel like a lot of pressure. Any parenting can feel like a lot of pressure! We might feel like we must do everything right or our kids will flounder out in the world.
We may not be perfect parents, but guess what? Neither is anyone else. My parents didn’t teach me German (and Germans can be… let’s say frank in their feedback). My husband’s parents were spotty in his exposure to Farsi (and sometimes native speakers made him feel shy to speak Farsi because they would correct his usage). And you know what? We turned out fine. We think our parents are incredible and we’re so lucky to have them. We love our cultures and are trying to learn our heritage languages now in adulthood so we can share them with our kid.
I never would have been the kid to sit and learn a language with my parents, and I definitely wouldn’t have volunteered to take a class. If my parents had forced the issue, I would have simply resented them and the language.
What Will Your Kids Remember Most?
… most of all, I remember the feeling of being loved.
But can you guess what I remember most from my childhood? Not corrections or classes or a lack of bilingual education. I remember decorating German Christmas cookies with Grandma. Learning to make spaetzle with Mom. Seeing the Christkindlmarkt all lit up like a wonderland. My Die Biene Maja (Maya the Bee) toys. And most of all, I remember the feeling of being loved. I remember laying in my bed all cozy while Dad read me bedtime stories. I remember cuddling with Grandma in her recliner. I remember being together for Christmas dinner and saying prayers of gratitude before digging in to the dumplings and pot roast.
And now, as an adult, I’m ready to learn my family’s heritage language. And thank God, I still have a wonderful relationship with my parents. Will I ever be totally fluent? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s okay. The main thing is that I have a positive association with the language, my heritage, and my family.
It’s not too late. We can let go of our inadvertently discouraging habits now that we know their impact. We can start right now to repair any negative associations that have developed with learning in general, or learning Farsi in particular. Wondering how? Find specific strategies in my next post.
Let Go of Perfection and Do What You Can
Give yourself permission to do what you can, when you can, and let go of the rest.
If your kid doesn’t end up knowing Farsi (fluently, conversationally, or even at all), that will be okay. If you don’t use Farsi at home, that will be okay. If you never celebrate a single cultural tradition, that will be okay.
You’re doing great. Give yourself permission to do what you can, when you can, and let go of the rest.
Stay focused on what really matters: loving your kid and making sure they know that you will always love them–no matter what language you say it in.
What advice do you have for bilingual parenting?
I hope this post encourages you to keep trying your best, and knowing that it’s okay not to do everything ‘right’! Do you have any advice you’d like to share with my readers? Favorite parenting books or podcasts to recommend? Send me an email (maia@littlefarsibooks.com) or contact me with this form!